Happy birthday, Dan!

Remember this video showing Radcliffe having a hell of a hard time performing a job as a receptionist?

This would have been viewed differently if you knew he had long suffered from this developmental coordination disorder called DYSPRAXIA.
For a kid who portrayed a boy wizard on film, Radcliffe actually had a difficulty performing the simplest of tasks such as tying his shoe.

On the event of his 26th birthday, let me come forward and talk for the first time ever that I myself have long struggled with Dyspraxia. Luckily for Dan, his is just a mild form. In my case, I couldn’t even line dance! Because it took me a while to get accustomed with my left and right! There have been times when my condition is so severe, I could not even let myself climb any stairs. The many times I fell off, I was surely, completely absent-minded. There are just too many motor coordinated activities that I can’t for the life of me do, like riding a bike. I have never learned how to dance, use a QWERTY properly, get involved in team sports, and for the longest time I couldn’t speak a full sentence without shedding a tear.In my mind, I could do it. I would memorize each detail accordingly – but when it’s time to do things in motion, I just couldn’t. I would be an ass and people around would surely have a hyena party.

Ever since, from when I was a kid, people around me find it hilarious to see me walk. Little did they know that every time I move my legs and feet to do the walking, I have to stride with my head fully turned on or I will surely lose my balance. There have been countless times I broke my ankle because my foot did not land on the cement the way my brain directed it to be. They just don’t coordinate most of the time, sorry guys. You would often see me tripping, bumping to another person, a glass wall, a piece of furniture. All those chores that require manual dexterity, mostly those two-handed tasks, just kill me, please!

Regardless of whether I am familiar with a location or not, I just can’t really afford to not lose my sense of direction, and it’s a struggle for me to take mental guides from a random man on the street, that and because I am also terribly socially awkward. The worst was looking for a building at UP for 4 fucking hours! Mental processing for me takes a lot of concentration to achieve. There was a brief period in the past that my mental skills were on top shape. I could memorize, analyze, and formulate thoughts perfectly. As a writer, my prepositions were always on the right places and my diction was impeccable. I did help myself, or should I say, “self-medicate,” by spending forever to learn every skill set. I had a hard time expressing myself, I self-trained to speaking eloquently and as a sort of culmination, I joined various speech contests and I won them all. In my spare time, I would go to a mall where a classmate used to teach jazz dancing, I would just observe from the glass window, and practice those steps I memorized at home. For my last PE subject, I audaciously enrolled in Social Dancing! And also, at the same mall, I would practice my motor coordination: walking in imaginary straight line like I was a supermodel in an endless ramp! Hahahaha! For a good long time, it felt like I had been “cured.”  Now, I can’t even watch a 40 minute TV series without pausing a couple times. I can’t stand nor sit for a long time.  This essay took forever to stick, and I got stuck the whole day.

I’ve suffered serious bouts of depression because of my condition primarily due to childhood bullying, and during my adult years, presenting grave difficulties to finding substantial employment. This is why I decided that the best way to survive is to stay home and rather do online gigs. But just like Daniel, I try to emerge all the time and still be in control of my actions as best I can. I am still carrying things on and with this lifelong challenge I am in, I opt to maintain my emotional composure and have a sunny disposition, no matter what.

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